The Balancing Act of Being Me

As I ‘ve gotten older, wiser, and with the help of therapy I am finally learning how to be…me. Working on being me is like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle—except instead of swords, it's family, work, and the ever-present desire to keep being me. Let’s face it, showing up for others in a way that’s true to me without morphing into a people-pleaser is the ultimate balancing act. It’s SO hard ya’ll, but I’m pushing through.

First off, there’s the husband. Bless his heart, he “loves home cooked meals” and would rather eat at home than grab take out.  The problem is, frankly, I don’t have time for that; nor do I enjoy using my weekends to meal prep. My weekends are already full of other exciting adventures like binge-watching TV and perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. And so this lands me back on that unicycle with the flaming swords.  Authentically, I would be happy with take out everyday, but I also know that’s super unhealthy and would wreak havoc on our budget.  So I compromise: I cook when I’m feeling adventurous (and usually prepare enough to last a week), and when that’s gone, I wield my enthusiasm and a takeout menu like a pro. That’s me—always trying, never perfect, but perfectly imperfect.

Then there are the kids. My daughter’s volleyball games are an exercise in exaggerated cheering, while my son’s tennis matches test my ability to silently say he’s great without displaying too much emotion or even acknowledging that an event is actually happening. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing anything right by them, doing my best to show up how they need me. I figure if nothing else they’ll remember I was there.  Always in the stands, maybe not as loud or too loud, but always there, and that is authentic to me!